Lessons Learned from Years with Counseling

Some Good Advice for Married Couples

There is a saying that familiarity breeds contempt and this is true with many marriages today that because of familiarity, their relationship has become strained. Nonetheless, when one is not careful this can become an obstacle that can leads to a marriage breakdown. To demonstrate what I mean. When one starts to assume too much, what follows is that your ability to listen diminishes and you slowly becomes a little more than a machine who spontaneously react to inferred cues. For marriage to work, both parties must be willing and able to cultivate a certain level of receptiveness before responding. It is only a product of your own creation that you perceive certain innuendos in your partner and this has been a results of a seeming concurrent pattern that you have made up yourself. While it is true that certain cues are a form of non verbal communication, it is not good to rely only on these because there is such a thing as a real communication which is dynamic and changes according to the needs of the other person. It is not therefore enough just to rely merely on non-verbal cues but it is good to cultivate good communication between the two of you.

We fight like cats and dogs when we rely on perceived cues instead of cultivating patience, kindness, gentleness, and using our intuitive intelligence.

Sometimes the emotion involved in being a person reactive to cues is very strong that it tend to be very destructive so what needs to be done is to cultivate cognitive capabilities – one that is able to resist these powerful emotions and set the mind at work.

Another fatal detractor to marriage is our entitlement mindset. The attitude that says, “I deserve it” is the one that is responsible to almost all types of a relational conflict because this mental outlook characterizes the person to have a legal right over something. While it is desirable to want something, it is another to demand to have a right over it. The best way to deal with this is to lessen your expectation of the other person, and learn to appreciate the good things that you find in the other person. So if both spouses do this daily, counting the good things they see instead of dwelling on their disappointments, then their life together would be more blessed.

Although willing to give their marriages another chance, some couples are just unable to do it themselves and would need help from a third party. With the help of a marriage counselor and therapist, they might be able to resolve their issues and learn to live in harmony with each other.

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